The Homebirth Experience

I know few of you have been asking about my homebirth experience and though I was hoping to write sooner just wasn’t possible.  Having three kids is no joke, add the fact that two of them are little guys and you have one tired mom who just wants to sleep.

My new baby boy is already two months old and I’m just now writing his birth story.
The night before I went into labor I had no idea it would be happening since I wasn’t having any pain. On Sunday morning I woke up with some cramping but thought I just had to use the bathroom but the pain didn’t go away. I knew that I needed to keep track of this pain so I used an app on my phone to count my contractions. After about 10 to 15 minutes of keeping track, my app said to go to the hospital.  I figured this would be a good time to call my midwife. I told my hubby it was happening and he began cleaning up our house and getting the pool ready. I called my midwife and she asked that I call my doula so she could better gauge the severity of my contractions. She told me she would be ready to go once my contractions were closer. I called my wonderful doula Simone and she came within a half hour of me calling her.  As soon as she got to my house she began assisting me with the contractions because they were starting to get painful. Within about an hour or so the contractions were closer and more intense and so we called my midwife.  She informed us that she would be dropping off her dog and heading to my house. The fear was that she may run into traffic because she was coming from Manhattan and the Puerto Rican parade was going on. We hung up with her and the other midwife called me to let me know if the urge to push came and Carol was not there to call her and she would talk us through it all until Carol got there. Thankfully we didn’t have to worry about that.  The birth assistant got to my home first and within 15 minutes or less Carol, my midwife arrived.

My cousin also showed up a little after for support. We decided to get in my birthing pool to help with pain management. It helped but my contractions were still painful. Carol asked if she could check how far along I was and she did and told me I was only 8 cm dilated so I would need to hold off on the urge to push for just a bit.  The pool eventually became irritating and I wanted out. I literally felt like if I stayed another minute I would submerge myself until I drowned. So I got out and my midwife suggested using her birthing stool. As I went to sit down I almost died because it was so painful and uncomfortable.  I couldn’t even sit when I was in the pool. I told Carol that it was not going to happen, she later told me that if this had been my first birth she would have really been adamant with me staying on it. Since this was baby number 3 she knew I could tell what I needed. I found myself kneeling and squatting next to my sofa.

The urge to push began and I began to do just that. In one of my pushes, I broke my water and Carol said it would be a short time from that point. She was correct within 15 to 20 minutes I was pushing out my son. He was perfect!

Now let me give you some information concerning my homebirth synopsis. What was I thinking?!?! Lol but seriously this was a very difficult process. Once my contractions started they never seemed to stop. Yes, they were painful but I got through them with the help of my doula Simone! Doulas are a great help and they provide the support you need when you need it. The birthing pool helped tame my contractions but I just couldn’t stand being in there the whole time. My hubby really wanted me to have the baby in there and when I was getting ready to push outside of the pool he kept asking you sure you don’t want to go back in. I think my look let him know my answer. Now since my prior births entailed epidurals I was completely unaware on how much it hurt when they check to see how dilated you are.  Thankfully she only checked me once and I was 8 cm but it felt like she was going to rip him out of me. Epidurals really mask a lot of the pain and the process of childbirth. I always heard people mention the ring of fire that woman feel when pushing out the baby but never felt it until now. Yeah so burning is not even the word it was more like an inferno and I wasn’t sure I would be able to push him out. I was screaming it burns only to be met with replies of yes I know it does but keep pushing. Umm, how about you get me to the hospital and we just cut him out because this is crazy. I literally closed my legs even though his head was coming out because it was painful. I came to my senses and continued to push and he came out!

I didn’t cry seeing him and I felt the urge to but I was so exhausted that all I could do was just admire him. This process was difficult because of the pain but otherwise it was great.

The experience of not only giving birth completely natural and at home cannot be fully explained in words. It was an awesome experience that I would totally do again. The ability to just hold my baby as soon as he came out and have him still attached to the placenta without rushing to remove it or clamp his cord was beautiful. I laid on my sofa with him on my chest and just couldn’t take my eyes off nor let him go. When I felt the urge I pushed out the placenta and we then clamped it and my hubby cut the cord. My midwife eventually convinced me to give him to daddy so he could be weighed and I could shower. To think I was in my own house with my things and not getting upset if I forgot something because I was home! My boys got to see him after and I could relax on my sofa or my bed. These simple things made this experience worth it.

Lastly, I have to say thank you to those who helped. First and foremost my hubby who although was not crazy about the idea allowed his suddenly free-spirited wife to have a home birth. He not only got everything together but helped with our other boys’ too and he was just amazing! Love you, babe. My midwives even though only one of them was present for the birth they both have impacted my life beautifully. They have made me realize what an amazing woman I am and I can do just about anything. Carol and Shar I am so very grateful to you both and I am so glad you wanted to work with me. Midwifery Care NYC rocks! My doula Simone, who having this be her first homebirth, did awesome. You provided the support I needed and learned in the process. My cousin Cristy who didn’t think I would call her for my birth. Thank you for being there and not only offering your hand so I could squeeze but helping document the process. You saw it all (literally). And finally, the wonderful family that stayed with my boys and also helped me after, Angie and Myriam. You guys have been such a blessing to our lives and I am so grateful for the love you show my boys!

Sorry, it took so long to write and if I missed anything inquiring minds want to know just leave me a comment and I will answer. I am not shy about this experience or my breastfeeding journey so ask away.

Love from the concrete jungle…

Those who would like to help our family out with prayer or financial support please click here.

Resources:
Here are links to my doula and midwives if you are in the NYC area.
Simone Toomer

Midwifery Care

Seventh Prenatal Appt

Had my prenatal visit on Friday and it was great. My doula came to meet my midwife so it was good to see their interaction. I’m doing good. Blood pressure, baby’s heartbeat and  how I’m measuring are all great. I’m currently 38 weeks pregnant and still not feeling any significant contractions so baby is still cooking. Other than that just trying to prepare myself mentally and spiritually.
I can’t believe in a few days I will be a mom of three boys. Like I said before it is scary and yet exciting.  I can’t wait to see his little face and who he looks like. Being pregnant this time has been so different and I’m not sure how I feel about it. I do love the idea of another baby but the fact that we didn’t plan for this makes me all stressed. I’m not sure I enjoyed the pregnancy as much as I could have.
My last blog I spoke about not really being ready and how we still needed things. One of my readers shared how God had provided for her and I was thankful to hear something like that because it boosted my faith.  That same week we received gifts from friends and family for our baby. I am feeling so blessed. Financially things are still crazy.  The money we had put aside for our medical bills and other necessities had to be used as my youngest was in and out of the hospital for his respiratory issues. Unplanned time off put a huge dent in everything. Growing up is so hard.  Lol!  I’m believing God for a miracle and doing what I can to make ends meet.
Love from the concrete jungle….

I have put together a site for support for our medical costs if you feel it in your heart to give please do, if not please pray for our family.

Third And Fourth Prenatal Appt

Ok so I have had two prenatal visits that I haven’t posted about so today I am posting on both. My third prenatal visit was shortly after I returned from my visit to FL. It was great we went over how I was doing after the loss and how I was feeling in general. She asked if I had purchased the items I would need for the homebirth and at that time I still had not gotten in the kit and birthing pool. I let her know I would be ordering them that same week. We spoke about what I can possibly expect from the labor and it being my third the possibility of me having a faster labor then before. She told me that if things moved to soon that possibly my hubby would need to assist in the delivery until they arrived. Lets’ just say that my hubby was not fond of hearing that when I spoke to him after my visit. We completed the blood work that was needed and she was a lot better than my other midwife at this process so no major bruising after. My blood pressure was good and the baby’s heartbeat was good. She couldn’t tell for sure if he was head down because of how he was positioned so she said my next visit with my other midwife she would have her check and make sure he wasn’t breached. We discussed my fears and she was reassuring. What I love is that they recall tons about you and your family and make sure to ask about what they have learned. I’m not there just discussing what medical concerns I have but everything that is concerning me about this pregnancy. She informed me what I could eat to help make sure my GBS didn’t come up positive. This is a major concern for me because both pregnancies I have come up positive and I don’t want this to affect my baby number 3 when I deliver him. They will have antibiotics to give me but I would love for it to not even be something we have to worry about.

Fourth visit was similar to last visit since she didn’t speak with after my loss she asked how I was doing. We discussed everything else about my pregnancy concerns and my other non-pregnancy concerns which have to do with after delivery of baby. She asked if I had my supplies which I do have most but missing some minor things. Those items have been added to my to-do list and that list keeps growing. We discussed what test would be given to me next visit and she asked about whether or not I had found a doula in which I was able to reply YES!! That is another great bit of news that fact that I found a doula. It was such a God thing. I had been praying to find someone who was in a price range I could afford or handle and there she was. I am so excited that I will have that extra support. My blood pressure was checked, heartbeat, baby’s positioning which is head down (WOOHOO) and how I am measuring. This birth is approaching so much quicker than I had imagined. I don’t feel ready. I know all will fall into place soon but until then I think I may freak out just a bit.

This is a short post but since I keep forgetting to post right after the visit my memory gets foggier and foggier as the days go by. Prego brain at it’s best!!!

As always love from the concrete jungle….

Second Prenatal Appt

After bed rest and my son getting better we are somewhat back to normal in my house. As my last post stated  I had my second appointment and I got to meet the other midwife who is so great. I had to take my glucose test that morning before she got there and then she would draw the blood. Can I say I like the midwife version of the glucose test I just had to drink 10oz of Welch’s grape juice which compared to what you are given at the labs is so much better. She asked me questions about my family and what support I would have during and after birth until I had to have my blood drawn for the glucose test. I can’t say this enough but talking with my midwives always feels like I’m talking to a friend. She asked me if we had decided to let our oldest be a part of the experience and I told her we were still discussing it but I ultimately wanted my oldest to make the decision if he felt comfortable. I am planning on showing him videos of homebirths so he can see what will be occurring in our home. I would love for him to be a part of this experience but if it seems too much for him then I will have him stay in his room or go to our neighbor’s house. As for the little one I doubt he will even know what will be going on. We discussed where I was thinking of giving birth (meaning what location of my home) and if I wanted to do a water birth. She shared her home birth experiences and how she gave birth. She also told me how her 2 year old was present for her birth and was fine with it. So I am really looking to find videos that aren’t extremely graphic to show my son and let him see what mom will be doing. She then had to draw my blood and that was the tricky part. I don’t have the best veins when it comes to getting my blood drawn or even placing an IV and she had problems. Most nurses have a hard time with drawing my blood and a few phlebotomists too. She was able to get enough for the glucose test and HIV blood test (I had this done but my medical records from my OB didn’t have this in them thanks!) but I still need to have my blood work submitted for CDC and Vitamin D. This means next visit with my other midwife blood will be drawn again hope she is better at it because my veins can’t take this torture. After that we listened to my little guy’s heartbeat and schedule my next appt. I love that these appointments are in my home.

So now to begin looking for birthing pools and other supplies for my home birth. I need to purchase my home birth kit within the next week so I am getting nervous and excited all at the same time. I also think I may have found a doula to help support me during the birth of the baby. God is so good.

I’m having my baby at home and I can’t wait to meet him!!

Love from the concrete jungle…

Finding the midwife…

When we left off I was letting you know how my doula had given me some names of midwives to contact to be able to go thru with the homebirth process. This is where it became interesting and frustrating all at once.

I think the best place to start is the insurance process because this is by far the most irritating and frustrating part of the whole process.  If you are not aware, you will be now, but most insurance companies do not cover homebirths so this means a huge cost to us. Since they are not covered most midwives are considered out of network, yippee for me.  This means in my current situation that I would have to meet a 4,800 deductible before insurance kicks in. That being said since we did not plan baby boy #3 we do not have the money to cover even a portion of those costs.  And some midwives will have you pay their fee upfront just in case the insurance can’t pay it. You don’t become aware of these things until you are placed in them and now that I am here well I am infuriated that an insurance company is dictating how I have birth. My options are birthing center or hospital and the nearest birthing center for me is not close. Though homebirth costs are significantly lower according to insurance companies they carry a big risk. Umm yeah and hospitals don’t.  I want to be able to give birth how I choose but this red tape has been so annoying.

Now that you have a little insight into the insurance I will now give you how this affected the midwife process. I contacted a few of the midwives my doula gave me and either got no response or immediately was asked what I had insurance wise and then turned down. The best was a call with this midwife, who apparently had great reviews and people raved about her, after asking me about my insurance said oh well my fee is 10,000 dollars do you think you can afford that. Well let me see I’m needing a new car soon and well didn’t plan on this little guy but yeah 10,000 I carry that around like pocket change. So of course it was a no go. I was so upset and emotional (thanks pregnancy) I let my doula know that I just didn’t think it would happen.  She said let me try one more thing and asked what my insurance was and she would ask around her network for midwives that would take it. She did and found a few that might work and so I contacted them. Finally I got a hold of a midwife team who were willing to have a consultation with me and see what we could do.

My meeting with one of the midwives was great. She answered my concerns about having a homebirth and answered my hubby’s concerns as well, since all he has known is me giving birth at hospitals. I felt like I was chatting with a friend and it was just a great comfortable feeling. I was so excited that this may just happen. Then she gave me the card to her biller and asked me to get in contact with her so we could begin that process.  Cue the violins and sad music because my dream started to shatter.  As I got in contact with her biller the news became bleak by the minute.  Because my insurance is self-funded they are more difficult to get payments from and then the out of network cost are higher. I remember driving home one day and just crying because my vision of having a homebirth was just that and it was not going to happen.  I began to tell my hubby how upset I was and he said well at least you will have your doula hopefully that will make your experience better. I tried to reassure myself that this would be ok and if there was ever a number 4 big huge IF because really it may never happen I would try to save and have my homebirth.

A week later I get an email from the midwives stating that they could work something out but again I would have to pay a portion of the cost. This was my glimpse of hope this may just happen. I discussed it with my hubby and we decided we would do what we could to make it happen. I know some of you may be thinking if you don’t have the money then don’t do it but I would still pay similar cost if I went to the hospital just later on.

We are praying that God comes thru for us financially because we only have the first payment right now and we really don’t know when or how we will get the money for the last two payments. I also had to decide between having a doula or homebirth because we just can’t afford both. That was such a hard decision and I think deep down I am still hoping for a miracle so that I can get the money to be able to use her. I hate that this is even an issue and that I’m here worrying about how I will pay for it.

So please join us in prayer that we get the funds necessary to not only have the homebirth but the doula and not be in a financial bind after I give birth. God is my provider and I am trusting in HIM!!!

Next post I will share all about midwives and what to look for. I have done a lot of research. Who knows I may even go back to school to become one….

Till next time sending my love from the concrete jungle….

Passion for birthing!!

 So as some of you may know I am hoping to have a homebirth. I think I may blog about the experience from here on out so that you guys can understand my reasons behind it but also maybe become more informed about what it means to have a homebirth. It really isn’t a hippie mentality or the new trend. Women have been having babies without the use of a hospital for years. My great grandmother had all her babies at home because well that is what you did before all this technology. And please do not get me wrong technology is great but is can also be a problem when it comes to childbirth. I am on no soapbox stating this is the best and only way; I want to make that very clear. I know how much childbirth hospital interventions have saved the lives of so many close to me. This is my personal decision and my personal views on the subject and I want to share them so people can stop looking at me funny when I say I want a home birth. So to first explain it I will give you a little background on my birth stories for my kids.

Ok so I didn’t necessarily have horrible hospital experiences but they were not the best. First time well I wasn’t even sure what I wanted or needed. I just did what the hospital did or did not tell me. I had epidural with the first which made it super difficult to push because hey you really can’t tell where you are pushing from if you can’t feel your whole bottom half. Second I was never offered support for breastfeeding or given the information after so I struggled (big time) with that. I was only able to pump for 2 months then had to bottle feed him the rest which is fine there is nothing wrong with bottle feeding but I just really wanted to breast feed. Then my second little guy I armed myself with information on everything from breastfeeding, skin to skin contact, types of vaccinations not needed to anything you could think of. I wanted to be informed and ready to make this experience more natural and in tune with my body.  During that research is when I learned about doulas and homebirths. At first it was just interesting and I was really intrigued by the information.  I didn’t do much with the information concerning doulas and midwives but everything else I learned I tried to put to practice in my labor room.  I still gave birth in the hospital with Isaac and that one was a little harder for me because I was armed with all this information and what I clearly wanted for my son and they disregarded it all. All the things they said they advocated for apparently not in place the day I gave birth to my son. The doctor on staff during the time I was ready to push came in bothered because they all assumed it would take several hours before I fully dilated and there was no way I was feeling the urge to push.  He checks and sees that yes I am fully dilated and ready to push. I begin to push and well once again I had an epidural (I didn’t learn the first time) so I didn’t know where I should be pushing from and that made the doctor clearly upset with me. He was so frustrated he left didn’t say anything and I was left in disbelief and with the urge to still push. My OB shift started and she came in the room to assist again asking me to push, I thought I was but I guess I wasn’t, but my baby boy finally entered the world.  Now they placed him on my chest for a split second, except at the hospital tour we were told they were all about skin to skin contact apparently just not in my case.  Then they said his breathing was too fast so they took him and I didn’t see him for about 2 hours or more. Oh and they are all about breastfeeding but they just had to supplement him because he was away from me too long. Hey someone bring in a pump for me and I will give him his milk. All that to say that what I had hoped for never happened and that was very disheartening.

Now here comes baby number 3 my “man did that just happen” baby. I begin to research more on the midwives and doulas because I want my childbirth to be more about me and the baby. I contact a doula and we set up a date to meet.  The day we meet I was nervous we wouldn’t click or that this wouldn’t be exactly what I thought but the complete opposite happened. Not only did we click but my desire to become a doula grew (oops left that out didn’t I…forgot to mention that when I was doing research I started to really want to become a doula) and hearing her stories made it just so much more amazing.  As we spoke and she asked why did I want to have a doula after hearing my reasoning she said that normally she doesn’t suggest it but that she felt I really should have a homebirth. I told her that I tried to look for some but was having a hard time finding someone since I didn’t know anyone who had a homebirth. She said she would email me with some of the ones she knows and I could start from there and I did.  I’m very grateful for her help.

I will end this here and start my next post with my midwife process.

Love from the concrete jungle…